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Also, most of us have someone somewhere who loves us.

And, were it not for the thousands of miles we’ve taken ourselves away from them, those people would love to join us for a chat or a hug.

This is something to be undertaken with the utmost sincerity (the consequences are that grave! Laugh at your stupid thoughts and desires and laugh at yourself for being there. It’s based on years of experience, a library’s worth of scientific research, and just the right amount of common sense.

) but at the same time a sense of how simple the exorcism is. Laugh at how you chased after this person and that. So stop listening to me and check it out for yourself.

Sit for a minute and listen to your body – what is it asking for?

Over the chatter of your brain telling you you’re a loser for feeling lonely (or that you’ll never connect with another human being again), it can be hard to hear our physical needs.

The Lonely Loser is summoned by a feeling of weakness within us. First, he makes you feel that what he wants you to do is in your best interests.

A more profound sense of loneliness than we’re used to. Then, when your conscience pipes up and says ‘Well just hang on a minute!

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If you’re possessed by the Lonely Loser then as with any demonic presence the only course is an exorcism. It covers everything you need to know from making yourself more attractive, building sexual confidence, having great dates, and finding the right women for you.If you’re in so much of a funk that you can’t see straight, try to treat your physical needs anyway – grab a bite, drink a pint of water (or beer), have a nice shower and a lie down. Great – write yourself a note: “I don’t feel lonely, I’m [hungry/tired/etc] and pin it to your forehead for next time. Being alone is a physical thing, but feeling lonely is an emotion that comes from your brain.Think about that for a minute and then revel in the knowledge that you’re able to change both of these states – the physical and the emotional.When we’re hungry, thirsty, cold, tired or in pain it’s easy for those basic needs to snowball into something bigger.Last night I was a combination of hungry, thirsty and tired and when I look back at my lonely feelings now, I realise I needed nothing more than a huge bite of something to eat and several hours’ worth of bonding with my bed.

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